The Unraveling: When Things Fall Apart to Come Together

rope being unraveled

What I’ve learned as a Confidence Coach for women who want to design their lives to be a reflection of the confidence they’re practicing everyday and discover their favorite versions of themselves is that having a vision for what we desire is a fantastic motivator to keep going.

It helps to celebrate living the lives that we’ve envisioned, but rarely do we talk about the mess in the middle. We don’t usually acknowledge the unraveling, because it’s difficult and makes us uncomfortable.

But when disruption shows up on our doorstep we usually say, “Why is this happening to me?” As life seems to be falling apart around us, all we can do is wonder if we’ve done something wrong.

We can choose to treat disruption like an invitation; like a signal that we’re being redirected into a season of new questions and answers. Disruption gives us an opportunity to ask ourselves if our lives look are authentic depictions of  what we want.

Instead of feeling helpless in the face of disruption, we can be empowered to lean into the unraveling of everything that has expired.

We get to consider if the discomfort we’re feeling is deliberate and how it can support our evolution.

We get to step into the unraveling to find the gems.

Imagine your life is a spool of thread, or a piece of woven rope. That thread/rope is made up of layers of habits, patterns, conditioned behaviors, assignments and obligations. What’s also interwoven in that spool, based on your culture, childhood, past relationships and other experiences are narratives of fear, self-doubt, martyrdom, low self-worth and insignificance.

Whew child…..

The way that you show up in your life right now is a product of patterns that you have learned throughout your entire life.  The behaviors you saw growing up, patterns that you experienced in your early adulthood years, patterns that you participated in – they all left an imprint on you, and becoming aware of how your life is be driven by those messages and the current manifestation in your life is where you begin to discover yourself in a new way. For many of us, we “borrowed” that conditioning and it became our personalities. Your self-awareness is the beginning of you taking your power back.  

Back to the thread/rope – it’s tightly wound in a very specific and very defined way. It represents an interconnected ecosystem that relies on you saying yes when your inner wisdom is screaming “No!”. This system is fueled by you pretending you have it all together when you’re falling apart inside and doesn’t allow room for you to trust your own decisions and speak up for yourself.

So when you begin to pay attention to those whispers of the more that’s available for you, you’re essentially pulling on a piece of string at the end of that spool of thread.

You’re sparking the tearing down of the current version of your life, and the unraveling is necessary. 

You learning to recognize people, places and things that aren’t supporting you. You’re realizing your own value and you are designing your relationships in a way that reflects your worth. You’e honoring your boundaries and speaking up for yourself. 

You decide it’s time to stop pretending and break down the confusion that’s been existing in your life. You decide it’s time to stop procrastinating, outsourcing your decisions, practicing smallness, and letting fear drive your life.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: the unraveling is gonna be a mess. Your emotions will be all over the place and you can expect to get reactions from people in your life that aren’t pleasant or are downright hurtful. You may be criticized and “accused” of acting brand new. 

But as a woman who is growing in confidence you can look at the mess and you can see previews of the lifestyle that you want to enjoy for yourself. 

The point of the unraveling is to peel off the habits, the conversations, the ways of being, all of the trappings of “hiding in plain sight” life that you have that you’ve been conditioned to accept.

As those layers are peeled away you can start to design your life in a way that suits you, and give yourself the freedom and space to get crystal clear on what you desire for your life. 

The sooner you accept that the unraveling is necessary, the sooner you’ll be able to step into your next season of transformation and growing confidence.

I hope you’ll trust yourself enough believe that you’re worth the journey, and say yes.

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About mo

I help world-changing women walk boldly in their power, and show up fully expressed in all areas of their lives.

Certified Confidence Coach, US Army Veteran, and Audacity Activator.

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